“I had nothing to hide”
I was born in the 1970s, in a democratic European country, into an ordinary family — the kind that pays its taxes, respects the law, and raises its children to do the same. I touched my first computer as a child, and I never stopped. I fell in love with code, with technology, with the idea that a machine would do exactly what you told it to. I studied computer science. For more than ten years I worked as a civil servant in the public administration of my city.
Then the enthusiasm faded. Low pay, unrewarding work, and that feeling so many people know: being passed over not by those who were better, but by those who were better connected — relatives of the bosses, friends of the right politicians. So I did what people who still believe in something do: I resigned and went out on my own. By day I worked as a consultant for companies. In the evenings, through some friends, I helped out at a nightclub.
In all those years, I never once thought about privacy. Not once. I thought about surveillance the way most people do: never. My philosophy was the one I still hear repeated today by everyone who asks me why on earth they should protect themselves: I have nothing to hide. My phone was registered in my name. My number was online, because I wanted to be reachable — by friends, by girlfriends, by clients. I used social media, email, chat apps like everyone else. I lived in plain sight, convinced that living honestly in a democratic country was protection enough.
I was wrong. And I found out in a single night.
The night
It was the eve of my fortieth birthday. I was at the club, like so many other nights. Then the door opened and ten police officers walked in. With them came social workers and interpreters. They had a warrant: search, and arrest. For me and two other people.
I will never forget the cold discipline with which something like that unfolds. First the club, turned upside down. Then my home. They put me in a police car — me in the middle, two officers behind, two in front, the way you handle someone who might run or turn violent. But the thing I remember most clearly isn’t the fear. It’s what one of them said to me, there in the car, in a low voice: to stay calm, to call myself a lawyer. That there was no evidence of any crime. But that they, unfortunately, had to proceed anyway — because the prosecutor had ordered it.
Think about that for a moment. The man arresting me knew I was innocent. And he arrested me anyway. Not out of cruelty — because he was a cog, and the machine had received an order from higher up.
At home, strangers’ hands went through my things. Documents, clothes, private objects thrown on the floor while they searched for evidence of something that didn’t exist. Then their offices. An entire night of questions, of interrogation, sitting on a bench and waiting between one round of questions and the next. They seized my computer and my phone — my whole life, in two objects. They released me the next morning, hollowed out, without really understanding what was happening to me. On the document they handed me there was a charge. A criminal offense. That sheet of paper is where my ordeal began.
The files
I only understood the truth in my lawyer’s office. He showed me what they had done in the six months before that night: they had wiretapped me. Every day. For half a year.
In front of me sat files. Files full of my private conversations. Messages, phone calls, talks with friends, with women, intimate things, trivial things, things that had nothing to do with the accusation. My entire private life printed in black and white, catalogued, read by strangers, available to anyone with access to that dossier. Not a single corner had been left untouched. Anyone who has never seen their own existence reduced to an archive cannot understand what it feels like. It isn’t embarrassment. It’s the sense of having been stripped of something you believed was yours by birthright.
And then I discovered the mechanism, which is the part that still keeps me awake. In an investigation looking for proof of a crime, the meaning of what you say doesn’t count. The words count. Every sentence containing the “right” term — a keyword that could, torn from its context, resemble evidence — was extracted and marked. Not the conversation. Not the intent. Not the truth of what I was actually saying. Just the word, clipped out and pinned to a report. And the burden of proving that word didn’t mean what it seemed to mean… was entirely mine.
Why had I ended up in there? Because of an almost absurd coincidence. Someone, anonymously, had reported a club in my city for alleged illegal activity. It wasn’t my club. I had nothing to do with it. But the police had begun wiretapping that owner, then his customers, then the movements of all those people. Some of them, now and then, also stopped by my club. And because my contacts were public — my number, my emails, everything out in the open — I ended up in the net too. One more name to connect. Guilty by proximity.
Four years
I spent four years in court proving one simple thing: that I had done nothing.
The prosecutor leading the case was young and hungry for visibility. A case like that was a stage, and he had no intention of leaving it. So he pushed, and pushed again. He called witnesses, dozens of police officers. And one after another, under oath, they all confirmed the same thing: that I was innocent, that I did nothing illegal. Toward the end, the prosecutor didn’t even show up in the courtroom anymore. He sent his young assistants. He was busy with a major trial before a European institution — he had more important things to do than come and support the accusation he had built against me.
In the end, the judge acquitted me. The wording was the fullest that exists: the fact does not subsist. No crime had ever been committed. There had never been one.
I had won. But I’d like someone to explain to me what “winning” means when, for four years, you’ve carried a criminal trial on your back, a lawyer to pay, your morale on the floor, your private life made public, and the people in your neighborhood looking at you sideways because you must have done something. Justice, in the end, proved me right. But it came afterward. Always afterward. When the damage was already done, and no law had spared me any of it.
What I understood
I want to be clear about one thing, because it matters. I did not become an enemy of the law. I’m not. I believe in rules and I believe in the work of those who enforce them — many of those officers, that night and in the courtroom, behaved honestly. What I no longer believe in is an illusion: that living in a democratic country, with good privacy laws, is enough to protect you.
Because the law is not a machine. It is written and applied by human beings. And wherever there are human beings, there are grey areas — margins of interpretation that a lawyer, a prosecutor, a judge, an officer can read one way or its exact opposite, depending on the situation, on the ambition of the moment, and on who, higher up than them, is pulling the strings. The same rule can protect you or crush you depending on how someone decides to interpret it that day. And a protection that depends on one man’s interpretation is, by definition, fragile.
This is where the idea of Onion Mail was born. Not from a movie. Not from a documentary about Snowden. Not from an article about WikiLeaks. It was born from four years of my life.
I asked myself: is there a form of protection that does not depend on anyone’s good faith? That doesn’t rest on the jurisdiction of a country, on its laws, on the hope that those in power won’t decide to bend them for their own ends? There was only one answer: yes — if you stop promising and start building. Not a service that says “trust us, we won’t look.” A service designed so that it cannot look. An architecture that doesn’t know who you are — because what you don’t know, you cannot reveal, not even if someone with a warrant, or without one, comes to ask you for it.
That’s why Onion Mail doesn’t protect its users based on the country it runs in, but on how it’s built. We don’t keep what could be seized. We don’t know what could be intercepted. There is no private life to print into files, because we never collected it in the first place. We don’t trust — and not out of cynicism, but because I learned, in my own flesh, that the good faith of a state, a law, or a man is not a sufficient guarantee when someone decides to come for you.
I’m wary of anyone who builds privacy tools having only heard about the problem. I would never let myself be operated on by someone who told me they’d watched the surgery on YouTube and wasn’t a real doctor, with real hands and real experience. People’s safety is not something you learn secondhand.
I learned it the hardest way there is. That night, they took everything without asking me a thing. Onion Mail was born so that, next time, there is no longer an “everything” to take.